


anchors

by softambrollins



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Fluff, Late Night Conversations, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 23:35:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16169087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softambrollins/pseuds/softambrollins
Summary: "I don't...I don'twantto fight you," he tells him honestly, voice already wrecked. "But if the alternative islosingyou, then —""You really think I'm just gonna turn my back, leave you and Roman to the wolves?" Dean asks, sounding truly bitter for the first time.





	anchors

**Author's Note:**

> Post-RAW October 1st. This got a lot angstier than I intended, whoops.

This time, when he asks Dean "Are you alright?", he just looks up at him for a second and barely nods before looking away again. And he'll take that; it's better than nothing.

He doesn't ask anything else, doesn't try to touch him or anything. Just says, "C'mon, let's get out of here." Because it's been a hell of a long night, even without the beatdown they just took.

Dean just slowly and silently follows him out of the trainer's room and out to the parking lot.

*

They don't talk in the car. Dean just tilts his head back against the seat and stares out the window, so quiet Seth wonders if he's fallen asleep a couple times. Maybe he's thinking about Saturday, or thinking about other things that Seth can't even begin to decipher. It's frustrating, and also terrifying, not knowing what's going on in Dean's head these days. He's always been the one who could read Dean best, and he used that to his advantage more times than he likes to remember, to hurt him, and maybe even to try to make him forgive him. Now, it's starting to feel like he never really knew him at all. 

He's been different since he's been back. On edge. Like there was all this pent-up energy coiled tightly beneath his skin that was waiting to explode at any minute. Seth thought that it was just all that time away, the frustration of watching from the sidelines, that he would be back to normal once he got back into the groove of things. But as much as he says that The Shield is his family and he'll stand by them always and that this is all he wants, Seth knows there's something else going on under the surface that he's not telling them. 

Maybe it's better to just wait and see. Give him the time and space he needs to sort his mind and heart out. Or maybe it's already too late.

Seth just focuses on the road in front of him, his hands on the wheel, and tries to sway his thoughts away from the worst. 

*

When they get up to their room, Dean heads straight for the shower. Seth just toes his shoes off and slumps down on his side of the bed, arms folded behind his head, staring up at the ceiling, trying to clear his mind of the apprehension and uncertainty of tonight, trying to forget the look on Dean's face — 

When Dean comes back out, he just abruptly flicks the lights out and settles down on the bed, on his side, eyes open but not looking at anything in particular.

Seth turns to face him after a moment, just watching the dim light play across his features for what feels like an eternity.

At some point, Dean meets his gaze too, direct in a way it seems he's been avoiding looking at him recently. Maybe it's the time of night or how alone they feel right now, but his eyes are softer, more vulnerable, than he's seen them in a long time.

Seth exhales before he says it. Quiet but clear in the stillness between them. "You know, if you want a title match, you just have to ask."

He sees Dean's brow furrow for a second in surprise or confusion before it smooths out again. 

"You think _that's_ what it's about?" he says, incredulous, almost amused now.

Seth sighs heavily. "I don't _know_ , Dean. Because you won't _tell_ me what it's about."

"Wait, do you _want_ to give me a title match?" Dean asks skeptically. "Or you just think that's what _I_ want?"

"You're deflecting," Seth says, trying not to sound as exasperated as he feels.

"No, answer the question," Dean says tersely.

"I don't...I don't _want_ to fight you," he tells him honestly, voice already wrecked. "But if the alternative is _losing_ you, then —"

"You really think I'm just gonna turn my back, leave you and Roman to the wolves?" Dean asks, sounding truly bitter for the first time.

" _No_ ," Seth says at once. "But if this isn't what you want anymore…"

"Then what?" Dean says, like a challenge. 

"Then…" He pauses for a second. He hasn't really even stopped to consider what he would do in that scenario. It's almost too painful to imagine. "Then I can't stop you," he finishes hollowly. "But you can bet your ass I'm gonna fight like hell so we don't reach that point."

Dean laughs mirthlessly. "What if we're past that point? What if we've been past that point for a long time?"

"Then, why are you _here_?" Seth asks, feeling his heart start to break in his chest.

Dean just keeps staring at him head-on, expression inscrutable. 

"Because...you're my family," he says evenly. "Because this is home. And this is safe. And because this is what I've wanted my whole life."

"But not anymore?" Seth asks quietly, suddenly feeling like they're standing on the edge of a cliff.

"I don't know," Dean says and he sounds all torn up inside now, completely exposed. "You know, being alone for all that time — At first, it was fucking awful. I hated it. I hated _you_. It made me feel like I was a lost, abandoned kid again, and that's the worst fucking feeling in the world. But after a while, it got better. Being on my own. Proving myself on my own. It made me better, made me stronger. It felt good. Doing it all by myself."

Seth nods in genuine understanding. The last year without Dean was harder than he could've ever imagined, but it gave him newfound confidence in himself. The kind of confidence that you can only ever achieve by knowing exactly who you are and what you're capable of. And being okay with the person you see looking back at you in the mirror. Seth's done a lot of work on being okay with himself again, but he's always been better, always been _more_ , with Dean and with Roman next to him; it's far too easy for him to lose his way without something to anchor him and guide him back home.

He used to think he was Dean's anchor, but maybe Dean's always been his own anchor.

"Where does that leave _us_ , then?" Seth asks, his voice audibly cracking down the middle.

Dean shifts closer to him on the bed, reaches for his hand, clasps them both together and rests them on his own chest, right over his beating heart.

"We're here," Dean tells him soothingly. "Right now, we're right here. And nothing else matters."

Seth nods at him, desperate to believe him, squeezing his hand tighter.

"I need you, I'm always gonna need you," he tells him earnestly, brushing a stray curl out of Seth's eyes. "And Roman. But maybe I don't need _The Shield_ anymore."

Seth just looks up at him, blinking away the tears that are stinging his eyes, but smiling through them at the same time. "You know, if anyone had to take my title, I'd be happy if it was you." 

Dean pulls him in further, cradling his head against his chest as he curls his body into Dean's. He leans down to press a soft kiss to Seth's forehead, tells him _I love you_ like a promise.

Seth finally closes his eyes, feels Dean warm arms around him and Dean's soft breath against his skin, his steady heartbeat against his palm, thinks about Saturday when they're all going to be standing beside each other, the way they always do, and doesn't let himself dream of what comes after.


End file.
